Growing Pains
by hp-scribbler
Summary: Series of oneshots centred around the Marauders' time at Hogwarts, our favourite pups' relationship and James' quest to win his fair lady's heart. SB/RL JP/LE.  NB: Not in chronological order
1. Chapter 1, Sirius Watch

_**A/N: **This is my first proper foray into writing. I'm intending for it to be a series of linked oneshots about the Marauders' time at Hogwarts (and possibly immediately afterwards) with a main emphasis on Remus and Sirius. I hope it's enjoyable - any feedback would be very much appreciated._

_**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, I'm not J. K. Rowling - I know, I know, I'm disappointed too. So everything but a few plot lines and original characters belongs to her, not me._

_**October of 6th Year, Gryffindor Common Room**_

"Let me guess – Sirius Watch?"

Remus started and looked up sharply from his position on the sofa next to the stairs to the boys' dorms, only to see a familiar green-eyed redhead falling back onto the cushion next to him.

"That obvious, am I?" he deadpanned, returning his gaze to _Advanced Transfiguration_ and trying to ignore the flush of embarrassment rising to his face. Virtually anyone but Lily would have been fooled by Remus' almost-perfect masking of his emotions – but then again anyone but Lily wouldn't have known him well enough to figure out what he'd really been doing whilst pretending to study. Well, maybe James. Or Sirius. Come to think of it, thank God they weren't looking over right now.

"Only to me, you daft sod," she shot back playfully, reaching over to ruffle his hair. "You worry far too much, Rem, you know that?"

Remus gave up the pretence of reading and closed his book, slotting it into his bag and looking up at his friend, a wry smile on his face.

"Yeah, you know what, you're right Lils – what have I got to worry about really? It's not like I've got to loads to hide or anything, is it?" He stopped abruptly, as if he'd only just remembered something, "You know, apart from the whole sneaking off once a month to turn into a savage, bloodthirsty monster thing. Or the having a ridiculous crush on my very male, very heterosexual best friend thing, I suppose."

As he finished talking, he glanced back over to James and Sirius, sitting in their favourite sofa by the fire and chatting away to Dorcas Meadowes. Again, anyone but Lily would have believed the sarcastic tone of his voice, would have missed the undercurrent of hurt running beneath his attempt at flippancy. But, then again, maybe that was why she was one of the only people he was truly open with – because she cared enough to notice when he felt like shit, no matter how much he tried to hide it.

Lily dropped the teasing expression and shifted closer to her friend, snuggling her head into his shoulder in what she hoped was a comforting gesture.

"You don't _know_ he's straight Rem," she replied, "I mean you've said it yourself – he's never exactly had a girlfriend, has he? And he obviously cares about you. I mean come on, you told him you're gay ages ago and he hasn't backed off one bit. Much as I think he's an immature prat, I've got to put that one in his favour – if he _is_straight he's got more balls than most guys in our year would show for sticking by you."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. The same dilemma as ever was running through his mind, and they'd repeated this conversation enough times that he knew his next line well enough for it to bypass his brain on its way out.

"Yeah, I told him more than a year ago."

"Well it clearly didn't freak him out or anything, did it? I mean you guys are still as close as ever!"

The werewolf nodded again, considering the thought for a second before shaking his head with a jolt and lifting Lily's head off of his shoulder to look her in the eyes.

"Will you just stop it! You always do this, you always try to raise my hopes like this!" He passed a hand over his face, running a hand through his hair to distract from the pained expression he knew was shooting across his features. "He's straight Lily, just look at him, flirting with Dorcas all because she went and grew a pair of tits over the summer! I've got to get over the idea that I'm never going to get him, and you know what? It's not exactly easy when I've got you trying to convince me that I _just might_ have a chance every time I feel crap about it all!"

Remus stopped at the hurt expression on his friend's face, realising he'd gone too far.

"Well sorry, I was only trying to-"

"No, don't apologise Lil," he cut her off "we both know it's me who should be apologising. I'm sorry for snapping, I just…it just gets to me sometimes." He finished lamely.

Lily smiled back at him sympathetically. "It _will_ get better, Rem. You'll get over him…you know, sometime."

He let out a short chuckle at that. "Yeah, sometime, eh? It's just really _hard_ to when...ugh! He's just not like everyone else! You know when I've told the others – James and Pete, I mean – I'm gay? Well they've both said it doesn't matter, that I'm still the same person and all that crap. And don't get me wrong, I'm really grateful my friends are like that – God only knows most guys wouldn't be so accepting. But of course it changes the relationship, like from then on whenever we hug it'll just be some shitty one-armed pat on the back, and when we're walking next to each other there'll be more space between us and stuff-"

Lily frowned as she interrupted him. "Wait, no! Rem that's stupid! Guys shouldn't do that just because you're gay, that's ridiculous – there's no way in hell I'd be like that with, I dunno, Dorcas, if she ever came out to me. Just cos you're gay doesn't mean you're going to jump any guy that gets too close to you!"

Remus grin forced a grin at her indignation on his behalf, desperate to mask how much his closest friends' behaviour upset him.

"No, Lil it's normal – look, it's just…different with guys than with girls. I mean I totally understand where it's coming from – God knows, I'd probably do the same if the positions were reversed. It's just…well Sirius never did any of that after I told him. We stayed _exactly_ the same as before, he never stopped hugging me just as tightly as before, never avoided physical contact, never…well I guess never treated me like I had something that was contagious. And don't get me wrong, the fact that he's still _normal_ with me means more to me than anything – it's just the difference between that and how the other guys treat me makes it kinda hard to convince myself that nothing could ever happen between us, you know?"

Lily looked at him, a little lost for words – she'd never heard her usually reserved friend open up this much.

"It'll work out Rem," she offered, inwardly cringing at her inability to give him anything other than overused clichés, "You'll be fine with it in the end, you'll see. God, he's a twat for doing this to you." She reached around his shoulders and hugged him tightly, trying to make up for her lack of comforting words with actions.

"Yeah, I'll get over it," Remus replied, patting her on the back and breaking away from the embrace to smile somewhat bitterly at her again. "And he's not a twat, he's just…straight. It's not like we can exactly blame him for that one is it?"

"Well I definitely can, I blame that pair for pretty much everything that goes wrong around here," Lily shot back, glancing over to James and Sirius with narrowed eyes before softening her expression as she looked on Remus once more. Then, looking down at her watch, she started and jumped up from her seat straight away.

"Shit! I was supposed to be out patrolling fifteen minutes ago! Ugh, Merlin, it's my first one of the year and I'm already late, McGonagall's gonna murder me….Shit!"

Remus laughed, genuinely amused for the first time all evening, before looking at his friend in mock horror.

"Miss Evans! Such foul language, and from a fellow prefect no less? Whatever is this school coming to? Careful now or I'll have to dock points from my own house."

Lily glared back at him and showed him her middle finger, hurriedly shoving her things into her back in an attempt to get out of the Common Room before McGonagall came looking for her.

"Foul language? Bloody hypocrite," she muttered, swinging her bag over her shoulder.

"Hey, least I didn't nearly miss _my_ first patrol of the year." Remus replied, poking his tongue out playfully as she all but ran past him, before grabbing her arm and pulling her into a hug. "But thanks for being late for me. It means a lot, you know?"

The redhead attempted a glare back at him, but couldn't help her expression from softening before she darted off to the portrait hole. If she was honest, even she had had little idea of how much Remus' situation was getting to him these days, and made a mental note to talk to him about it more often in the hopes he would open up again.

Remus sighed as he sank into the sofa and reached down to extract _Advanced Transfiguration_ from his bag once more, only to be interrupted by a shout from the sofa by the fire.

"Moony! Put that fucking book away, you've abandoned me and Prongs for long enough!"

He looked up just in time to see Sirius running towards him, before vaulting over the back of his sofa and landing directly onto Remus' lap.

"Hello Sirius," he replied, rolling his eyes theatrically and trying to ignore the flush rising to his face from having the animagus in such close proximity to him, whilst simultaneously trying to push away the thought that at least blood rushing to his face kept it away from somewhere it would evoke a far more awkward response. "What's up?"

"Mooooonyyyyy," Sirius whined in a voice that would be annoying to anyone else, but that Remus somehow found endearing, "You're spending too much time with these bloody books! Come out into the grounds with me and Prongs instead and do something fun!"

Remus groaned, this time genuinely exasperated. "Sirius, it's way after curfew! You know McGonagall's going to have us skinned alive if she catches us one more time."

But the battle was lost before Remus had even begun it – with Sirius giving him puppy dog eyes, he knew he'd never be able to say no to anything the boy asked.

"Fine," Remus sighed, "Go and get the invisibility cloak, but God help you if we get another detention for this! I'm supposed to be a bloody prefect."

Sirius punched the air triumphantly, giving Remus' shoulder a tight squeeze before leaping off his lap and towards the stairs to the boys' dorms.

"Knew we could count on you Remy!"

Remus sighed once more and pinched the bridge of his nose, before getting up off the sofa and slinging his bag over his shoulder. It seemed like every time he and Sirius talked alone, no matter how briefly or jokingly, it got harder to stop himself from longing to be closer to the other boy. He shot a wistful glance up the staircase where Sirius had disappeared, wondering if the animagus would ever find out how deeply he cared for him. He prayed that he wouldn't, whilst simultaneously hating himself more than a little for the wish. Still, _it was better this way, _he tried to convince himself. _This way he got to keep one of the only true friends he'd ever had._ Somehow, even that was ceasing to be such a comforting thought.


	2. Chapter 2, Crazy Theories

**April of 3rd Year, Gryffindor Boys' Dormitory**

Remus sighed as he closed the lid of his trunk, having spent the past hour or so pretending to pack. Straightening up, he ran a hand through his hair frustratedly. His annoyance stemmed not from having wasted his time, however, (_although that _was_ an hour that could have been spent catching up on Potions, _the irritatingly studious voice in the back of his mind supplied) but from having to expend energy on deceiving his friends like this. For well enough a year and a half now, he had been making up excuses every full moon for why he needed to leave the castle – be it family illness, funeral, wedding, any occasion Remus could think of had been used at some point or other. He wasn't surprised at how easy Peter was to fool, but for the smartest boys in the year, James and Sirius were exceedingly gullible when it came to their friend - for goodness' sake, he was pretty sure he had told them that his Great Aunt Gladys had died about three times by now. But no, every time he came out with some feeble reason as to why he had to spend a few nights away from Hogwarts, they appeared to swallow it whole. For Remus, it was a mark of how much his two best friends trusted him that they believed his lies so readily. Somehow, that thought didn't exactly ease the feeling of guilt weighing down on him for his monthly deceptions.

_It has to be this way though_, he sternly reminded himself as he hoisted his trunk onto its side and hauled it over towards the door of the boys' dorm. Remus allowed himself no comforting illusions – he was ridiculously lucky to be at Hogwarts at all given his condition, and there was no way it would've happened under any other headmaster than Albus Dumbledore. He had been given an amazing opportunity – one that he was pretty sure no other werewolf had ever been given before him – and one that would almost certainly be ruined were _anyone_ to find out: that had been drummed into him firmly enough by his parents at the age of eleven. The rest of the wizarding world wouldn't want their children sharing a castle with a monster, and the ministry would jump at any opportunity to go against Dumbledore's ruling and continue their programme of discrimination against "Dangerous Dark Creatures". Besides, Remus understood how the rest of the school, even his best friends, would react to his secret. James and Sirius were truly the greatest friends anyone could ask for – and much more than Remus in particular felt he deserved – but he had to be realistic. Wonderful people though they were, he couldn't expect them to stick by him if they knew that he turned into a bloodthirsty beast that would happily rip their throats out once a month. Remus knew, and sympathised with, how much they'd hate and fear him if they ever knew the truth.

So the lies, the constant deceit, it was all necessary, all just another part of Remus' life, he thought as he dragged his trunk through the empty castle (devoid of students as it was a Hogsmeade weekend) towards the hospital wing, where it would be concealed to keep up the appearance that he'd gone away. God only knew it was better than the alternative.

XxxxX

"Ok, try this one out for size, he's-"

"Sirius, will you just cut it out?" James interrupted exasperatedly, "_Yes,_ Remus _does_ go away a lot, and I'm not sure I believe the reasons he gives us either, but you're obsessed!

You've been driving me mental all day here!"

They were walking along the main road of Hogsmeade, having just left Honeydukes with their wallets now considerable lighter than the bulging bags of sweets they were carrying. Peter bobbed his head fervently in agreement, not that this was much of a surprise to Sirius. The timid boy usually agreed with pretty much anything James came out with – he practically hero-worshipped the messy-haired pureblood. If he was honest, Sirius himself would have acknowledged that he was starting to become obsessed about Remus' whereabouts whenever he "went away", but it didn't stop him from constantly thinking about it – he hated the feeling that one of his best friends was lying to him. God knew he got enough of that at Grimmauld Place. And Peter's sanctimonious nodding was doing nothing to ease his irritable mood.

"I just want to know where he's going, why he's lying to us!" Sirius exploded, his vitriol causing Peter to jump in fright and even James to back off a bit.

"Woah there!" James replied, placing a comforting hand on his best friend's shoulder, "Someone clearly needs a calming charm, mate."

Sirius chuckled, clapping his friend on the back as the tension between them dissolved pretty much instantly. It was a mark of how close he and James were – there was no one else in the world who had the ability to calm Sirius mid-rant. Well, apart from Remus. Still though, there was a hint of a glare in his expression as he passed his eyes back over Peter – enough at least for the boy to keep his distance, walking on the other side of James to Sirius.

"Ok, so maybe I'm getting a _little_ over-the-top," Sirius conceded, finally lowering his voice "But you've got to admit – Remus isn't telling us the truth about where he's going. He seems to be at a different bloody funeral every month! Unless his family's cursed or something, that's just not happening. And near enough the same time of every month too! God, I'd suggest it was a severe case of PMS if we didn't all share the showers."

James stopped suddenly mid-stride, looking straight at Sirius. "What was that?"

Sirius grinned back at him. "What, about us sharing the showers? Come on James, you can't seriously tell me you've never snuck a peek from time to time – Remus is hung like a-"

"No, you moron." James interjected, "Although I'm keeping my eye on you from now on, pervert. I meant about you saying he always runs off at the same time of the month."

Sirius' expression changed from playfully provocative to confused.

"Well yeah," he replied slowly, "It _is_ always the same time of month, haven't you noticed? Because we always have McGonagall's essays to do while he's gone, and we always have to do them without copying him, don't we? She only sets them once a month, it's her monthly check-up thing. Merlin, you don't think he's doing it to avoid the essays do you? Nah, one sec, we're talking about Remus here. That's a crap theory James."

James rolled his eyes, exasperated once more by his best friend's antics.

"That's _not_ what I meant. But…no. No, that theory's even more stupid than yours…" James mused before breaking off and looking thoughtfully up the road.

"Stop being so bloody vague, James, you know it pisses me off."

The pureblood seemed to come out of his reverie, focussing on Sirius once more.

"I was just thinking…well, it's ridiculous, but…you said Remus always goes away at the same time of month, right?" He said slowly.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Always _this_ time of month, right?"

"_Yes_," Sirius replied, wondering where his friend was going with this.

"Well what's special about today?"

Sirius shrugged, totally nonplussed. "I dunno, we have McGonagall's stupid essay on the relation of Arithmancy to theoretical Transfiguration to write for tomorrow morning?" He was beginning to get a little unnerved by the unusually grave tone in his best friend's voice.

"Those Transfiguration essays," James said, "We always write them in the dorm, right? Not the common room, where we usually have to work in the evenings because that's where the light is. And we write them in the dorm because-"

"Because the dorm's always lit up by a full moon when we're writing them," Sirius cut-in, still unsure of where his friend was heading. Then, it suddenly clicked. "Oh, Merlin's saggy balls James, you can't be serious! You think he's a werewolf!"

"I know it sounds crazy, Sirius, but it kind of fits!" James exclaimed, trying to explain himself, "He's supposedly 'away' every single full moon, he's ridiculously strong for our age even though he never does anything physical and looks like a strong breeze might bowl him over, he-"

"No." Sirius interjected furiously, his tone low and dangerous, "No James. Cut it out _right now_. How could you come out with stuff like that? Remus is our friend, James! How the hell can you accuse him of being a, a…just…no."

James shrugged, knowing Sirius too well to be surprised by his vehement outburst.

"Hey, it was just a theory," he replied, "Like I said, I know it's crazy, it just seemed to fit."

Conversation was somewhat forced for the rest of the day in Hogsmeade, most of it spent in The Three Broomsticks with the boys brooding over their drinks. Unspoken was the thought that, no matter how crazy and ridiculous they all agreed James' idea was, none of them could quite push it out of their minds.


	3. Chapter 3, Midnight Meetings

**_A/N: _**_Well here's another one, unfortunately on a similarly gloomy theme to the previous two chapters. Apologies for this - I didn't actually mean for this to be an angst-ridden and depressing collection, that's just how the first few chapters I happened to get ideas for have turned out! I'll make an effort to make things more light-hearted after this one. For now, enjoy the melancholy! Oh, and if you want me to love you forever/write faster, review ;)_

Sirius had never really thought it odd that he and Remus sometimes slept in the same bed.

Growing up, he'd been used to Regulus waking him up in the middle of the night to crawl into bed with him, usually on the nights when his mother had berated one of them particularly viciously. That had been long before Hogwarts, long before the older Black brother had been sorted into Gryffindor instead of Slytherin, and lost the companionship of the only remaining member of his family who had seemed able to stand the sight of him. But when he cast his mind back to those nights when his baby brother would cry into his shoulder, desperate for the tiniest bit of familial support in a house that seemed to offer none, Sirius just couldn't find it in himself to hate him back. Reg was a follower, and he didn't exactly have the strongest personality. If displaying open hostility towards his older brother was what it took to keep him in his parents' good graces, Sirius was, if not happy, then at least able to tolerate bearing the brunt of it.

With Remus, the situation was somehow similar, despite the drastic differences between the two boys. Remus was anything but weak, as any Slytherin who'd been on the receiving end of one of his hexes could attest. And anyone who knew him intimately enough to be aware of his lycanthropy, and the unique challenges he faced every day simply being at a school the rest of the wizarding world took for granted, could hardly label him a follower. Yet from the moment in Second Year when Sirius had first heard his friend crying out in the middle of the night in the throes of a nightmare, he'd known that Remus was in many ways just as desperate for love and companionship as his own younger brother had been. Back then, ignorant of the fact that one of his best friends was a werewolf and young enough to believe that everyone's upbringing had been similar to his own, Sirius had thought that he understood perfectly where that need was coming from.

"Alright there, Remus mate?" He'd called softly across the dormitory, not wanting the other boys to wake up and embarrass his friend. The cries had stopped, but after a few moments without a response Sirius had realised they'd been replaced by quiet whimpers. Climbing out of bed, he'd padded across the room to reach his friend in order to wake him if he was still dreaming. Reaching out to grasp the other's shoulder though, he'd been sharply startled to find Remus sitting bolt upright in response to his touch, an expression of utmost horror on his face.

Sirius had jolted backwards, almost falling of his perch on the edge of Remus bed, before recovering to reach forward and gently pat his friend on the arm.

"It was just a nightmare, mate. It's ok. You're safe."

Remus had flushed instantly, simultaneously trying to suppress the remnants of fear from the nightmare where he'd relived his last transformation, and the embarrassment that he'd woken Sirius up for something so stupid.

"Thanks for waking me." He'd replied – or at least tried to before realising that, to his horror, his voice had cracked and his eyes were starting to sting.

"Oh, Merlin, you must think I'm such an idiot!" He'd choked out. To his surprise though, Sirius had simply shuffled right up to him and wrapped his arms around Remus' shoulders, pulling him in tight. As if a damn had broken, Remus was suddenly sobbing his heart out, thoroughly drenching his friend's pyjama top and completely unable to get a hold of himself. He'd probably only cried for less than a minute, but for a twelve-year-old boy, eager for his first proper friends not to view him as some kind of ridiculous cry baby, it had felt humiliatingly longer. Sirius hadn't seemed to mind, though, simply supporting Remus and holding him firmly against his chest until he'd gotten himself under control. If he was honest, even then he'd liked the idea of being the only one who could care and comfort Remus more than a little.

"You're not an idiot," he'd chuckled once Remus' sobs had subsided and he'd deemed it time to cheer him up once more. "Merlin, Remus, if you're an idiot with your grades then where does that leave the rest of the wizarding world?"

He'd sounded incredibly lame, even to himself, but the fact that Sirius hadn't judged his friend to be an emotional girl unworthy of his time was more than enough for Remus, who'd let out a shaky laugh and grinned back as he sat up.

"Well I dunno about the rest of them, but for you and James? Probably rotting in Azkaban before long if I ever stop pulling you out of trouble."

"Moron," Sirius had replied, somehow maintaining an affectionate smile towards Remus whilst slapping him around the head. Satisfied from his friend's ensuing chuckles that his work was done, he'd made to get up and return to his own bed, before a hand on his arm had stopped him.

"Sirius?"

Remus was looking at him, but blushing furiously and unable to meet his eyes.

"What is it Rem?"

"Would you mind…maybe sleeping here for the night?" Remus had asked hesitantly in a small voice that didn't suit him at all.

Sirius had been more than a little surprised, but had quickly found that he really didn't mind and, smiling back at Remus, had climbed straight under the covers and allowed the other boy to curl up against him.

"Thanks." Remus had said, still in that small, hesitant tone that was so uncharacteristic of his daytime self.

"No problem, mate, I understand." Sirius had replied, still smiling and secretly somewhat enjoying the feeling of being snuggled up to Remus. "Night, Rem."

"Night, Sirius."

And they had both fallen straight asleep. In the morning, James and Peter had smirked at the sight of the two boys cuddled up against each other but, perhaps surprisingly, hadn't teased them or made any comments on their sleeping arrangements. Then again, even at that stage it had been clear that the friendship between Sirius and Remus was somehow _different_ from that between the rest of the Marauders

After that, whenever Sirius woke up to find Remus tossing and turning in the middle of the night, he'd go over to the other boy's bed and slide under the covers next to his friend. Sometimes Remus would wake up, sometimes not, but Sirius' presence always seemed to calm him enough that his distress would fade and he would sleep contentedly for the rest of the night. Sometimes, the roles would be reversed. Sirius rarely had nightmares, but over the years his family situation became more and more apparent to the other boys – and, particularly once Regulus arrived at Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin, it was always clear to Remus when his friend was desperate for someone to talk to, even if he was too proud to say so. They often talked well into the night after James and Peter had fallen asleep, and their late night talks became the lynchpin of a friendship that Remus cherished more than he had anything else. And, like Sirius, if he was honest with himself he loved the fact that he was the only one the other boy felt he could lean on and open up to when things got too much for him.

Later, for a fourteen-year-old Remus, the most nerve-wracking thing about telling the other Marauders that he was gay was the knowledge that, with his revelation, those nights sleeping next to Sirius would come to an abrupt end. He was hopeful that the other boys wouldn't desert him. By then they'd known about his lycanthropy for well over a year – and if the fact that he turned into a savage, bloodthirsty monster once a month wasn't enough to have them running for the hills, he liked to believe that his being into other blokes wouldn't scare them off. Still, he was painfully aware that telling them would probably change their friendship towards him irrevocably, and he could hardly expect Sirius to still be comfortable with their sleeping arrangements knowing full well that the boy curled up against him got turned on by other boys. In fact, the year since the others had known about him being a werewolf had made his fear of loss far greater. Once Sirius had known the origin of the nightmares Remus was plagued by, the frequency of their shared nights had increased dramatically to the point where it was unusual for them not to wake up beside each other.

The night after Remus had finally gathered all of his Gryffindor courage and told Sirius his secret, he'd made sure he got into bed while the other three boys were still in the bathroom and had, for the first time since First Year, drawn the curtains around him. Terrified that he'd already ruined the friendship that had been his most precious possession, he was adamant that he wouldn't add even more of a strain by making the other boy feel guilty for being too uncomfortable to share a bed with him. He'd heard the rest of the Marauders come into the dormitory after him and heard the almost palpable silence that cut off their friendly banter as they'd seen his closed curtains. In his mind's eye, he'd seen James' confused questioning look, unaware as he was of the conversation Remus and Sirius had had earlier that evening, and then imagined Sirius' satisfied, relieved nod as he'd headed for his own bed, and a night of untroubled sleep.

The following week had passed in a haze of tiredness for Remus. Every night he'd lain behind closed curtains trying in vain to get to sleep whilst feeling like his gut had been pulled out. Each time he drew his curtains felt akin to self-harming, but he was determined not to screw things up with Sirius even more than he probably already had. Had he been less exhausted, less caught up in his certainty that his best friend would no longer be able to be around him without feeling incredibly awkward, he might have noticed that he was not the only one sitting at Gryffindor table with dark rings around his eyes every morning. After a few days, his fatigue had left him so withdrawn that James and Peter couldn't help but notice and had confronted him, asking what was wrong. Sighing, Remus had resignedly explained to them what he had to Sirius – who, thankfully, had been absent at the time. Unable to meet gazes he was convinced would be full of discomfort and, perhaps, nervousness that he'd been looking at one of them in _that_ way, he'd quickly made his excuses and headed for the dormitory, drawing his curtains once more in now-familiar fashion and consigning himself to another sleepless night.

All this had meant that, roughly an hour later after he'd heard the other boys arrive in the dormitory for bed and James and Peter's snores had filled the room, Remus had been taken completely by surprise when a hand appeared around his curtains, followed swiftly by the form of his best friend.

"Sirius!" He'd whispered sharply as the boy sat down gingerly next to him on the bed, "What are you doing here?"

Sirius had winced at that – again, to Remus' surprise – before lighting his wand and casting a silencing charm over the curtains so that they didn't wake the others up. In the light cast by the other's wand, Remus was confused to see that Sirius looked even more exhausted than he felt.

"Look, I know I shouldn't be here," Sirius had said, for some reason unable to meet his friend's gaze and leaving Remus completely at sea, "I just had to come and say I'm sorry. I don't know what it was I did, but I know it must've been bad for you to shut me out like this. I'm sorry Rem. I'm just…I'm so sorry."

At these last words, Sirius had finally looked up and met the other boy's eyes, and in that moment Remus had instantly seen the sincerity behind his words, and his own stupidity over the past week. Sirius honestly thought that he had done something wrong, and that _Remus_ was angry at _him_! Sirius hadn't been avoiding him since finding out he was gay, _he_ had been avoiding Sirius. The full absurdity of the situation at last laid bare, Remus did the only thing he could. He burst into laughter, at first shaky and relieved but quickly developing into hysterics that rendered the silencing charms on the curtains a very good call by his friend.

"Errrm…what?" Sirius had asked, looking completely bemused and more than a little worried that the other boy had finally cracked.

Remus had instantly sobered up, insecurities flooding back as he realised he'd have to explain himself.

"I…I thought you wouldn't want to be – you know – as…well…_close_ to me as before now that you know I'm, well…" He'd trailed off, unable to complete the thought for fear that he'd misread his friend and that his fears had been well-founded after all.

"Gay?" Sirius had supplied gently, understanding finally dawning over his face as Remus nodded in response. Wordlessly, Sirius had shaken his head and moved right up next to his friend, ignoring his feeble protests as he pulled back the edge of the duvet and climbed under the covers next to Remus. Only once he was there did he realise how much Remus was shaking – how genuinely scared the other boy had been that he'd want to put distance between them.

"You know how, the first time we slept in the same bed, I said that you weren't a moron, Rem?" He'd asked, snaking an arm around the his friend's torso and pulling him into a tight hug. Remus had nodded in reply, still apparently lost for words. "Well, I take it back. I've never heard something so stupid in my whole life. And _I've_ heard a drunk Narcissa Malfoy giving a dinner toast."

Finally, Remus trembling had stopped and he'd laughed, this time genuinely and without hysteria. And, once more in that small, hesitant voice that Sirius hadn't heard since Second Year, he'd said simply "Thank you Sirius."

"Nothing to thank me for, mate. You're not the only one who looks like they haven't slept the last few nights. Good night."

And, after those words, Remus had known that he would never again go to sleep at Hogwarts without Sirius to curl up against.


End file.
